Life gets in the way

Suicide by Cop by Geri Hagler

Report: Deputies arrive,

male subject armed,

pointing gun,

officer: “Drop the gun!”

officer thinking, “Please drop the gun,

I don’t want to shoot this guy, I don’t want to shoot this guy.”

officer: “Drop the gun, drop the gun, drop the gun!”

male subject: silent

male subject thinking: “Shoot me for Christ sake!

Why doesn’t this idiot just shoot me.  I’ll show everyone,

They’ll be sorry, it’s all their fault.”

male subject: stepped toward the deputy and raised his….

officer shoots,

the witnesses: the woman screams,

the six year old is paralyzed, mouth and eyes opened beyond wide

in a silence – so much violence

Letter to the officer

Dear officer involved in this shooting,

                I am so sorry that you had this experience. My worry is that you will hesitate

the next time

and you cannot,

please be assured you did the right thing, nothing you could have done differently,

how do I know?

That was my brother.

I used to think that if I gave him all the love I had….”There’s just not enough love in the world,”

sang Don Henley on the stereo and I nodded, just not enough.

Every single one of us have second guessed and thought, what should we have done,

what could be have done?  Every single one of us has battled with guilt and tried, and tried,

and tried and

he burned every one of us over and over and over.

At the news, flash

Oh, his poor son, his poor daughters,

Oh, those poor witnesses,

Oh, I’m so glad my father and my mother are dead,

this would have killed them,

Oh my God, I’m not feeling bad

Oh no, the poor officer

Dear officer involved in this shooting,

                I do not blame you. I am so sorry.

Sincerely,

older sister